NEW FOR
KINDLE... Corrie weekly updates from 1995 17 years in
17 e-books All the wit and warmth of Weatherfield, none of
the waffle Available from amazon.co.uk or amazon.com
One of the pitfalls of having the builders in is
having the builders in. And the builders are in on Coronation Street
as the new Victoria Street development gets flung up off the cobbles
to reach into the slate-grey Weatherfield sky. If the builders
aren't in the caff flirting with Becky and drinking strong tea with
five sugars in then they're whistling and singing at all hours of
the morning and really, just really, getting on Leanne's nerves. So
much so that she yells at one of them as she passes him on the
cobbles, because she's so fed up, and it didn't half make me laugh.
In the Rovers they're wearing their high-vis jackets and hard hats,
flirting with Lauren which makes Darryl see red. A fight ensues and
a pint is flung which makes Liam see red when Lauren whips off her
wet top to reveal a red push-up bra that he takes a professional
interest in. It's a knock-off knockers-holder (as opposed to a Noddy
Holder who was a singer with Slade) and Kelly's been flogging them
at her knickers party under the label Chic Bird.
When
Eyeball Tony the Catalogue Man suggested a nine month development
plan to Carla Connor, she didn't think babies but she did think
commitment. His eyeballs headed northwards to the Victoria Street
flats as they pointed out a penthouse for her pleasure.
In
the caff, a Rover returned when Roy came back from his African
adventure with a metal giraffe under his arm. It was the rainy
season in Mozambique, reported Roy, before giving High Fives to the
Roy's Rolls Top Team of bacon-butty-Becky and
coffee-croissant-Ken.
Over at Elliott & Son, Ashley had
to set poor Kirkeh free as selling sweetmeats and pork pies wasn't
making enough cash to keep them both behind the counter. Chesney
does his best to help Kirk find a new job and Claire pops round to
see how Kirkeh's getting on but she's appalled at what she finds.
There are mouse traps on the carpet, the washing machine's leaked,
there's nowt to eat in the fridge, no clean clothes, Chesney's been
skiving off school and Kirk's on the dole. Does Claire offer to help
out her neighbours and wait until Fiz comes back from her jollies so
she can look after her little brother? No she bleedin' well doesn't
and reports Kirk to Social Services instead. There's a tap at the
door and Chesney answers. “I'm Andy Partridge,” says a strange man
to Ches, “from… “ “XTC?” I quipped from the sofa, “Social Services,”
he said. Shame really. If it had been the lead singer Andy Partridge
from XTC he could have sung Making Plans for Chesney. After a
tearful farewell hug to Schmeicel (have you ever seen a Great Dane
cry?), Chesney's whisked into care quicker than you can say “darn
you, interfering busybody from across the street with your long
strawberry blonde swirly hair” and Kirk's left alone and upset in
the house with only the mice as mates. Fortunately for Kirk, they
all get on quite well. However, when Kirk finds out that Chesney's
been taken into care, it's all systems go as the task force swoops
in. Squadron Leader Roy takes to the phones while Lieutenant Becky's
ready to tear the head off the person who dobbed to the SS.
Chesney's been taken to Neil and Marjorie's house for a few days
foster care while Schmeichel has been taken away in a white van,
possibly to a butcher shop on Rosamund Street.
Now then,
Gail thinks she's doing the right thing helping Tina come to a
decision over whether to have David's baby or not. When Tina
suggests she might have an abortion, not only does Gail not deter
her but she offers to pay for it too. Tina says she's been reading
about babies, how they're just a collection of cells at that stage,
the size of a peanut. “I can get rid of a peanut,” she says, “But
I'd have trouble with a strawberry.” Wait nine months Tina and you
can give birth to a watermelon. She decides to go through with the
abortion and colludes with Gail that the news will be kept from
David. It'll end in tears, just wait and see. Best line of the week
went to Gail when David said he was trying to get gig tickets to see
The Foals. “The Foals?” she said, trying to be trendy, “Is it that
trash mental music?”
Gail tells everything to Audrey, whose
highlight of the week was a Victory Roll in the salon. No dear,
that's not a new sandwich from Roy's Rolls, it's a hairdo. She's got
beer-belly Bill on a diet, but he needs his pint and pies to give
him the strength to cope with Jason moping after Sarah who won't
give him her Italian phone number.
Over at the Rovers,
Michelle wasn't best pleased. As she waved a teary goodbye to Alex,
was I the only one who thought her infatuation with him was just a
little bizarre? She saw in Alex her dead husband Dean and there was
a hint, just a hint, that there could have been more than maternal
affection going on. It's been nicely played out and I hope the story
has now been laid to rest. With Alex back with his own mum, Ryan
resumes his rightful place on the sofa in the Rovers back room
playing with his XBox and fiddling with his
joystick.
Meanwhile, the sale of Jack's house went through
which makes Tyrone and Molly official owners of No. 9. Molly tells
Jack that nothing will change and he can still eat his breakfast in
his vest if he wants to. Oh, he wants to all right.
Elsewhere, over at Voldemort's, the pizza place in the
precinct, Leanne and Paul are having problems. As well as having the
most wonderful stroppy waiter in the north-west working for them in
the shape of Luigi who serves up sarcasm with the wine list, they've
got cashflow problems. They then decide to take on a new waitress in
the shape of the wonderful Amber who turns up for her interview with
her questions listed in priority order: “What's the uniform
like?”
And finally this week, Paul was forced to pay back the
money owed to Dan the bookie man. Clad only in his Superman
under-crackers, Paul was stripped of his assets and his clothes as
Dan called in the debt and sent Paul back to No. 9 with a sheepish
grin on his face and his manhood in despairing underwear. Dan
decided to celebrate with a meal at Valandro's and wasted no time in
chatting up owner and proprietor, Miss Leanne Battersby, eligible
divorcee of the parish and a bit of a go-er, she of the escort
agency, as was. If you cast your mind back, Paul was looking for
someone to wear white stiletto shoes while he seduced them. Some
girls are born to wear white stiletto shoes and Leanne Battersby is
definitely one of them.
And that's just about that for this
week.
Coronation Street writers this week were Jan McVerry,
Julie Jones, Jonathan Harvey, Mark Wadlow and Chris Fewtrell.