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If you're sitting there reading the update this
week and you've got a couple of spare grand in your pocket or are
looking for something worthwhile to spend your life savings on, then
my friend, why not invest in some property on the cobbles? You
could, if you so wished, buy 40% of Underworld as Liam's share is up
for offers and the pizza place in the precinct is going cheap for
sixty grand. And Leanne's a girl who's always up for offers.
Let's go first to the factory where Eyeball Tony the
Catalogue Man (and I apologise to viewers in Canada who haven't yet
seen him but when they do, will truly understand) offered to buy
Liam's share in ladies' pants. Liam's keeping a tight gusset on
things at the minute, but he's tempted, you can tell. Does Eyeball
Tony really have designs on lingerie or does he want to control
Carla Connor? My money's on the latter. When he gathered Carla's
family round and menaced “Marry Me” across the table to Carla, it
wasn't a question, it was a command. Carla wavered until she saw the
size of the ring bling and then she caved in to Tony's Northern rock
shock. I nicked that Northern rock thing from one of the tabloids
after I saw it this week and I liked it a lot. See, I always credit
my sources.
We travel now a short distance from pants to
parmesan as we go to the pizza place in the precinct where
business is bad. Cashflow is tight and Leanne's thinking of selling.
She gets a man in who makes her an offer she can't refuse while Dev
embarrasses Amber in her new job as waitress. He's aghast that a
daughter of his can demean herself to work for buttons in the
service industry when there's a perfectly good corner shop counter
she can stand behind all day.
Elsewhere this week, the big
news was that Gail ended up in t'hospital after she was pushed, yes
pushed, ladies and gentlemen, down the stairs by David's fair hand.
It all started when Jason got the wrong end of the stick and heard
Audrey and Gail talking about abortion. He assumed it was Sarah
who'd had an abortion and went to see Gail, all guns blazing. She
slapped him for his impertinence, and a good slap it was too, rating
8.5 out of 10 on the Corrie slap-o-meter but still coming short of
the classic Sally Webster / Nastily Horrid slapper slap. It was such
a good slap I whizzed the thing on the remote control and watched it
again, twice. Anyway, Jason left Gail's house with her handprint on
his cheek while listening in at the back door was David, putting two
and two together about abortions and babies and he realised that it
was Tina who'd aborted their child. After a row with Gail at the top
of the stairs, (her: “I did it because I love you!”, him: “I hate
you!”) David reached out to confront Gail and she ended up falling
down the stairs and into intensive care. She's concussed, confused,
and doesn't remember anything after the row with Jason, which
doesn't bode well for young Mr Grimshaw. Did someone just ask for a
picture of Jason without his shirt? No? What the heck, let's have
one anyway. (Ha! You'll have to look at the blog for that
one!)
David broke up with his girlfriend Tina this
week but only for a while. He really needs to keep that girlfriend,
now he's got the word Tina etched into his arm. Either that, or he
could embellish it a bit if they ever did split up, maybe changing
the tattoo into cortina or even gratination. But I don't suppose
tattooists get much call for either of those words in their line of
work.
Over at Underworld, Kelly was caught knicking the
knickers but Wiki was sacked. Ah, you see, they're clever these
Connor's. They knew Kelly was the thief but they also knew that if
they confronted her she'd deny all so they sacked Wiki, Kelly came
to her rescue, owned up to the thefts and got a slap on the wrist.
Meanwhile, Kirk goes to visit Chesney who's with the foster
family, the wifey of which answers the door to Schmeichel and Kirk.
“I've come to see Chesney,” Kirk reports at the door. “Oh, you must
be…” she falters, wondering who on earth the gormless lump at her
front door with a dog the size of a small horse could possibly be.
“I'm his Kirk.” says Kirk, proudly. “I'm his Schmeichel,” the dog
didn't say.
Over at the Rovers, Michelle's mardy when she
finds out that Ryan wants to get in touch with his real dad, Nick.
She gets all uppity about it and is not best pleased but you can't
blame the lad, not after he's had Richard Ashcroft from the Verve
trying to take over his life during the last few weeks.
Also in the Rovers, Vernon's got plans. Not content with
masterminding the revamp, he's now planning a Smoker's Secret, a
backyard hideaway for a quiet puff. Make of that what you will, I'm
saying nowt. And background music of the week in the Rovers was the
newly released and downright awful version of Echo Beach, originally
released by the fab Martha and the Muffins and now used as a
god-awful theme tune for a dreadful ITV soap. I had to mention that
bit ‘cos it set my teeth on edge. Agh! I'm going to have to YouTube
the original version now, just to get that awful thing out of my
head. You know when All Saints released their version of Under the
Bridge? It's almost, just almost, quite as bad as that.
And
that's just about that for this week.
Coronation Street
writers this week were Mark Burt, Debbie Oates, Jayne Hollinson,
Martin Allen and Joe Turner