July 6, 2009

Hola mi amigos, dos cervezas por favor. With just over a month and a half to go before my Spanish holidays I’m starting to learn the lingo. I’ve got as far as the essentials as you can tell and am raring to impress with my new learned language. But without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update. Ole!

 

If you’d like your Coronation Street weekly update with pictures and fun stuff, then you might enjoy the Coronation Street blog  http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com and follow it on twitter http://www.twitter.com/corrie_blogger

 

This was the week of a Coronation Street birth, a beating and a bit on the side – and I’m not sure which was the hardest to watch. Let’s start at the very begining, it’s a very good place to start. When you watch Corrie you begin with “Aye up, chuck” and when you puff and pant and give birth to your baby in the cleanest disused beach hut you’re ever likely to stumble across on a deserted beach, you begin with Maria Connor and Tony Gordon. They walked Ozzy on the beach and the sign said “Breakwater” so Maria’s did. Maria screamed at Tony. Tony screamed back. Ozzy ran rings round the pair of them, stole the scene and out of nowhere appeared a woman walking her own dog too, conveniently placed to take Ozzy off Tony’s hands leaving both of them free to deliver baby Liam. So that means Tony killed the old Liam and brought the new baby Liam into the world but Maria’s too dim to know, care or question. It’s in the genes, just look at Kirk, who turns up at th’ospital with an It’s A Girl pink balloon when his sister’s just given birth to an it’s a baby boy.   Maria brings Liam home and Tony’s got the place tarted up with flowers and a teddy bear. Maria’s wondering already if she can cope without him when he moves back into his flat but she’s got Audrey, grandmammy and grandaddy floying in from Oireland and of course, the wisdom of Kirk to help her settle into a slummy mummy routine. I’m surprised Claire Peacock hasn’t been round there with the Peacock book of childcare offering to Shake n Vac Maria’s carpets.

 

Down the road there’s love in the air at the Grimshaw house when Eileen spends the night with Jesse. Problem is, he still lives with his folks. I know, and at his age too, and Eileen gets more of a  grilling than the bacon from his mother in the morning. Another Grimshaw in the grip of passion is Jason who ends up spending more than the night together with Tina, they’re planning to get mortgaged and do a property up like they do on those house programmes on the telly and then sell it for a profit, like they don’t. Jason’s light bulb is too low wattage to rearrange these two words: Crunch. Credit. He doesn’t care, he’s got Tina, she’s got him, they’re Weatherfield’s fittest couple, the Posh n Becks of the Manchester suburbs. Nothing can stop them - but David Platt tries. When Tina tells David that she’s with Jason now, he’s upset, you can tell. When Joe tells David not to give Tina a hard time about her being with Jason now, he’s upset you can tell. And after David throws bricks from the builders yard at Jason down on the cobbles, he’s upset you can tell. But when he breaks down in tears in his granddad Ted’s arms later at Gail’s house, my little heart almost broke. I was upset, can’t you tell? 

 

Over at the factory, Rosie’s between the two thorns of Mr Strong and Mr Gordon as she’s now a stake-holder in the knicker factory. She wants to design her own pants, sexy ones, not belly warmers like her mother wears. Luke and Tony pay Rosie lip service (Luke more so than Tony), they’ve got her money now so they’ll listen to her ideas but it doesn’t mean they’ll let her have her way. She’s promoted to Executive Chair Sitter or something big in the office and she’s over the moon although she’s doing the same clerical job she was doing before, just in a new frock. “It’s Miss Webster, to you all, from now on,” she demands of the staff and her mother on the factory floor. Sally radiates with pride while all the other factory girls and Sean, you know, don’t.

 

Speaking of Sean, Jason drags him along to the gym where he spots a tasty geezer lifting weights. This was really funny, it’s what Sean does best, as he tried to lift the weights like he’d been doing it all his life when the heaviest thing he’s lifted before was a new cotton bobbin for his sewing machine. Sean’s in the gym jacuzzi with a smile on his face when the new fella, Leon, jumps in with him and guess what, he’s gay too, which fair cheers Sean up but confuses him when Leon wants to know all about Jason instead of Mr T.

 

At the Windass house this week, with the absence of Gary in the big house for a crime he sort of didn’t commit although he did, you know what I mean, Mr W proposes to Mrs W on the sofa. I know, I thought they were already wed too but apparently not. She’s taken his name, she’s borne his child but Anna Windass, mother of Eee Gary, isn’t the legally married wife of Eee Gary’s dad, Eddie.

 

More romance hit the Street this week when Emily and Ramsay grow close. You have to say that once the characters get over 60. They grow close. Between 50 and 60 you could say they get it on. Between 30 and 40 they’re allowed to have red wine and as much passion as they can stay up late for, and the under 30s are at it like rabbits but the over 60s, especially when it comes to HRH Mrs Bishop, Saint Emily of the Street, well, she grew close to Ramsay this week.

 

And finally this week, boring story (for this Corrie fan) of the year so far is Kevin and Molly. You’ll forgive me I hope for not giving you the red! hot! passionate! details that the tabloids are pumping out about Weatherfield’s unlikeliest and unloveliest relationship of the decade but it’s just so very wrong. Kevin wouldn’t do this, not to Tyrone, not with Molly, although yes he may well have a fling to get back at Sally for all the times that she did and he didn’t. But Kevin and Molly together is wrong, wrong, wrong. And it’s still going on, that’s all I’m going to say, except that Sally wants Kev to arrange a birthday party for her, invite “nice people” along and to have finger foods and nibbles. The only nibbles will be Kevin on Molly’s ear lobes and the only finger food Sally’s ever eaten comes in a pack of ten, coated in day-glo orange breadcrumbs, with a whiff of the sea and Pollock about it.

 

And as a PS: I was intrigued to note this week that The Kabin sold a boxed game of Luxury Tiddlywinks. Luxury Tiddlywinks? Does it come with velvet tiddles and satin winks?

 

And that’s just about that for this week.

 

Find out more about these Coronation Street Weekly Updates.

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Coronation Street writers this week were Chris Fewtrell, Simon Crowther and Joe Turner.

 

Glenda

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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com
Coronation Street weekly updates website

 

July 13, 2009

 

Hello fellow Corrie fans and welcome to another weekly wotsit of wonder wafting in from the cobbles to your door. I’m just back from a lovely trip abroad. It was the land of beer, frites, waffles and chocolate. Can you guess where it was? No, it wasn’t Tesco, dear. It was the Belgian coast and I highly recommend it. But I digress, and so without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

 

If you’d like your Coronation Street weekly update with pictures and fun stuff, then you might enjoy the Coronation Street blog  http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com and follow it on twitter http://www.twitter.com/corrie_blogger

 

The big story this week was Sally Webster’s 42nd birthday and the party from hell. With the select few gathered on her living room carpet (where were her proper mates Rita and Gail?) Sally keeps her guests fed and watered while Sophie and Rosie do their best to show mum up. Rosie’s in a basque and leggings. “She looks like a hooker!” says Ben when Sophie accuses him of eyeing up her sister. Rosie takes umbrage, she’s outraged and points to her clothes. “Er… one hundred pounds…” she says about her barely-there top, “One hundred pounds,” her spray-on leggings, “And ninety pounds,” her pointy pointy shoes. “All right then,” concedes Ben, “she looks like a high-class hooker!”  But Sophie’s jealous of the way Rosie’s tempting Ben with her tight top and tips a glass of wine all over her sister’s head. As 80s music provides the backdrop to Sally’s party, it’s to the tune of Love Will Tear Us Apart that Kevin lies to Sally that he’s going on a boy’s jolly to Bristol when he’s booked a hotel for him and Molly. It’s The Look of Love followed by Don’t You Want Me? and segueing into Red, Red, Wine as Kevin slopes off to Jack’s house to bonk Molly senseless on the sofa when she cries away from the party with a migraine and Kevin follows her home. But while he’s away, Kev’s phone rings and Sally answers it to find the Bristol hotel on the phone letting Mr Webster know that his room has been upgraded to include a jacuzzi. Kev lies again and says the hotel’s booked for Sally’s birthday surprise and off they both go, leaving Molly tearful and alone. When the Websters return, Kev tells Molly their affair is over, done and dusted, ended and gone. The nation breathed a sigh of relief then looked anxious again when Molly tells Kev it’s not over for her. Not even a surprise two-week holiday to Tenerifee with Tyrone can put a smile on Mol’s face.

 

Down the road, Graeme Proctor is a man of many jobs, a jack of all trades and a master of none, apart from firestarter, expert firestarter, BA Hons. This week he procures extra-strength painkillers for Joe McIntyre through his shady dealer contacts on the black market, he chops his way through more meat than he can shake his chopper at in Ashley’s butcher shop and he digs up Claire’s backyard to build her a piece of paradise in a Weatherfield back lane.

 

Across the Street, David lies on the sofa feeling sorry for himself after breaking up with Tina while Ted gives him a sandwich and some advice about love. Ted tells his grandson that no matter how old you get, love never gets any easier because hearts never harden, they can always break. To hear Ted speak about his lost love, James, the man whom he loved and lost when James died, was heartbreaking. Corrie plays a blinder with that character, methinks.

 

Meanwhile, Pam and Bill finally, finally go on that date they’ve been threatening for weeks. Bill places his lonely hearts ad: “I don’t like pina colada or getting caught in the rain. I am not into yoga and I have half a brain. I like making love at midnight up on the Red Rec, and I’m the man that you’re looking for, phone me up and escape.”  Anyway, Pam replies via Molly who she gets to phone Bill to make a date, pretending that she’s a tall blonde businesswoman. Bill thinks he’s meeting this tall blonde businesswoman and prepares for his date but then cancels after Pam says she fancies meeting him in the Rovers for a pint. And so, all’s well that ends well when Bill and Pam finally, finally go on that date they’ve been threatening for weeks. I raised my pina colada to the telly and cheered.

 

Elsewhere, Fiz visits John Stape in prison so often this week she might as well move in, pay council tax and start measuring up for curtains. I thought they were allowed one visit per month? Fiz is there all the time and in return for her, you know, being the only person in the world to care about John Stape, he sends her his grandmother’s engagement ring and pronounces her his intended. Hayley’s not best pleased and refuses to be Fiz’s wedding witness and as for Chesney, Fiz hasn’t told him yet. It’s all so wrong and now it’s wrong with a ring. Stape wants Chesney to be his best man as Fiz gets engaged to the very worst.

 

And over at the Connor house, Mr and Mrs Connor, the parents of Liam (murdered by a Scotsman), Paul (killed in a hit and run with a prostitute in his car boot) and Michelle (ex Hear’Say singer) arrive from Ireland to take a look at their little grandbabby and Tony’s not best pleased. He’s anxious that Helen and Barry spend too much time with baby Liam and Maria when he wants them both for himself. To prepare Maria for the visit from her in-laws, Natasha gives her the once over with the hairdryer and some lippy which seems to do the trick, while Maria’s own parents haven’t been mentioned once.

 

And that’s just about that for this week.

 

Find out more about these Coronation Street Weekly Updates.

http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com/2009/03/sign-up-for-coronation-street-weekly.html

 

Coronation Street writers this week were John Kerr, Peter Whalley, Mark Wadlow, Jayne Hollinson and Mark Burt.

 

Glenda

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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com

 

July 20, 2009

 

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. I’ll have to be quick with the update this week as I’m in the middle of jury service and I’ll have to get me wig and gown on. Or is that what the judge wears? I wouldn’t want to clash. Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

 

If you’d like your Coronation Street weekly update with pictures and fun stuff, then you might enjoy the Coronation Street blog  http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com and follow it on twitter http://www.twitter.com/corrie_blogger

 

Big story of the week is Norris and his bunion. He’s in agony and can barely step across the Kabin without mincing. Brother Ramsay buys him some bunion-relieving comfortable shoes but knows Norris won’t accept them if he knows Ramsay has bought them so Rita gives them to Norris and pretends they’re from her. Norris is in his element, he can mince without pain and fairly skips across the cobbles in his new pain-relief shoes. That is until he finds out the shoes are from Ramsay and then he refuses to wear them which is typical Norris, cutting of his nose to spite his face. Or in this case, cutting off the shoes to spite his feet. Anyway, with Ramsay out of the house cheering up Emily on a jolly to the shops, Norris can’t resist the shoes and slips them on again, hiding his feet under a blanket on the sofa and pretending he’s asleep with Emily returns home. Ooh, he’s naughty,  that Norris.

 

Over at the Barlows’ there’s a new breakfast cereal on their table: Nutty Flakes – which sums the Barlows right up. Peter’s got an open AA meeting at the Rita Tushingham Community Centre and so with nothing better to do because he’s retired (Ken), she’s nosy (Blanche) and she’s just been sacked from her job at the Council and told to reapply for her own job (Deirdre) the Barlows accompany Peter to his meeting. And that’s when it all starts to go horribly wrong. I was laughing so long and loud at these scenes that I couldn’t take notes, it was brilliant stuff. Basically, Blanche started making her mouth go about the alcoholics in the room who were bearing their souls and their secrets, telling them that a spot of Bingo would sort them all out. And when Ken told Blanche to belt up, she ripped into him, joined in by Deirdre. “Is it any wonder I drink?” sighed Peter to the room. “I can’t take any more, I’m going for a drink!” yelled Deirdre as she walked out for a fag. Nutty Flakes, the lot of ‘em.

 

In the corner shop, Dev’s not happy with Uncle Umed’s sales techniques and tells him he doesn’t want him ripping off the customers any more. Mind you, I’d buy a chocolate fireguard off Umed if he gave me the line he gave Sally Webster in the shop when she popped in for some beans: “You have the mind of a philosopher and the face of an angel. That’ll be 43p please.”

 

Jack finds out this week that Connie’s worth a mint. He’s suspicious when Connie won’t take him home and thinks there’s summat up. And when Scarlett his best pigeon goes missing again, he thinks she might have made her way to Connie’s house for a second time and demands to visit Connie’s house. Connie sighs and knows she’s beat. She didn’t want Jack to see her house until she was ready but it’s been forced and so off they go. Hand in hand, Connie leads Jack to her house. It’s got an electric gate, conservatory, huge garden, a bar, billiards room and jacuzzi. Jack doesn’t quite know what to make of it and wonders why Connie’s kept it quiet. She’s a working woman, she says, it’s all a bit much for her and she asks Jack if he’d like to spend time with her there, he nods his head and agrees when Scarlett the missing pigeon turns up in Connie’s shrubs.

 

Slug’s been slithering all over Becky this week after he turns up in the Rovers and tells her he still loves her. He tries to put something in Becky’s bag when she’s out of the room but he’s thwarted. And if you thought Slug was slimy, he’s not half as full of mucus as DC Hooch who has set Slug up to get close to Becky to plant drugs on her. But it seems that Slug really cares for Becky and refuses to do Hooch’s bidding this time.

 

Claire collapses this week and she’s rushed to th’ospickle where she’s had a miscarriage with a baby she didn’t know she was pregnant with and suffers a clot when Ashley visits. It’s all so dull this storyline, Claire is the dullest person in the world of soap. She isn’t in it for months and then when she is, they give her a high-profile medical emergency, she moans, Ashley cries and it’s quiet for months until it happens again. Too dull for words.

 

Over at the Connor house, Barry and Helen arrive from Ireland to visit baby Liam. In the parlance of the day, it’s doing Maria’s head in. She spends more time with Tony and registers baby Liam’s birth without the baby’s grandparents which upsets them a lot. Helen then has a go at Maria for letting Ozzy sit so close to the baby and bless him, I swear Ozzy acted in this scene when Helen dissed the dog. Helen even goes so far as calling her daughter-in-law a tart while Barry tries to keep the peace between his missus and Maria. Baby Liam sleeps on, guarded by Ozzy.

 

And finally this week, Sean heads back to the gym and sits in the jacuzzi for three days waiting for Leon to turn up. Finally he does but he’s not interested in Sean, turning down Sean’s request to go for a drink. “I’m on Facebook!” screams Sean in desperation for Leon to get in touch, “And Twitter! And Gaydar!” Poor Sean, he’s wearing that aftershave again, the one that reeks of Eau De Speration.

 

And that’s just about that for this week.

 

Find out more about these Coronation Street Weekly Updates.

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Coronation Street writers this week were Lucy Gannon, Julie Jones and Jonathan Harvey.

 

Glenda

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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com

 

 

 

 

July 27, 2009

 

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. I’m still on jury service this week so the update has to be quick and easy as I take my place in court within the hour in what’s probably the most grown-up thing I’ve ever done in my life. But anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

 

If you’d like your Coronation Street weekly update with pictures and fun stuff, then you might enjoy the Coronation Street blog  http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com and follow it on twitter http://www.twitter.com/corrie_blogger

 

Freda and freesias arrive at Emily’s front door and Emily’s over the moon to see her niece again. Fortunately for Freda, she can turn her deaf ear to drown out Norris complaining about Ramsay chatting up her aunt but she and Norris then form an unlikely alliance against Ramsay. Freda’s got a nasty streak in her, she hasn’t been at Emily’s for 10 minutes before she’s dissing Ramsay, someone she’s only just met and whom Emily is clearly fond of. Norris of course is lapping up Freda’s every evil last word.

 

“Jump! Jump!” we yelled at the telly in our house when Claire was up on the roof at th’ospickle. Oh go on, you know you said it too. And when she showed no signs of jumping. we yelled out to Ashley “Push! Push!” Claire wants Ashley to have a vasectomy as she’s so scared of getting pregnant again in case the postnatal depression sends her over the edge like it did when she had little Freddie. Ashley gowns up and goes private but when he sees the knife looming towards him, does a runner and gets laughed at. He hasn’t told Claire he hasn’t had the snip though, she thinks he’s had it done and is now waiting for th’ospickle to send her his bits that she can keep with his balls in her handbag.

 

At Underworld, Rosie wants to create her own line of lingerie and decides she can’t go wrong with a thong although Messrs Strong and Gordon clearly disagree.

 

Joe’s begging Graeme to get him more pills but Graeme won’t oblige and Joe’s stranded up pill creek without a paddle. David finds out what’s going on and nicks Joe’s pills so he can sell them back to him at £100 a pop. I want this story to be over and I want Gail to smile again.

 

In the course of a sentence, a future storyline of Corrie spun and changed over a café table at Roy’s. Eileen goes: “Ooh, I’ve got twelve thousand pounds I never knew I had from my dad’s shares and by eckersyerlike, isn’t number 12 Coronation Street up for sale?”  And so it came to pass that Jason and Tina decide to buy No. 12, do it up and sell it and Eileen will give them some cash.

 

Barry and Helen are thrown out over at Maria’s when Tony warns them about staying away from Maria and baby Liam, whose got the sleek, black Connor hairdo already. Maria is so annoying, I could slap her but you know, it’s a television screen and I’d just hurt my hand.

 

Jason Grimshaw joins a new football team this week when invited by Leon, Sean’s new friend. Jason’s the only one who doesn’t know it’s a gay football team and thinks Leon’s being friendly, not flirtatious. Even Eileen knows that her son’s playing for the other side but she’s too wrapped up watching Clout singing Substitute on You Tube. “They were the Spice Girls of their day,” she tells Tina. No they weren’t, I replied, not that I was asked.

 

Over at the pub, Slug warns Becky to be careful and look out for herself. He doesn’t mention DC Hooch or planted drugs and perhaps he should’ve done, he was being too subtle and Becky’s not too  bright. Steve rings the register office and books their wedding, again, for two weeks’ time. He asks Lloyd to be his best man and hopes that Liz will make it back from Spain. Lloyd hopes so too.

 

And finally, Chesney’s fed up. He calls Fiz “a stupid cow”, flings a beer can at Eddie Windass and throws his new trainers around the house as they’re “uber-minging to the max”. Well, it’s the lad’s birthday, his mum’s forgotten and his sister’s bought him the wrong size shoes and all she cares about is stupid Stape in prison. Give the lad a break.

 

Best scene of the week for this Corrie fan was Gail doing low-impact aerobics with packets of frozen peas on her legs. Wonderful stuff, I’m going to give it a try now.

 

And that’s just about that for this week.

 

Find out more about these Coronation Street Weekly Updates.

http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com/2009/03/sign-up-for-coronation-street-weekly.html

 

Coronation Street writers this week were Debbie Pates, Martin Allen, Carmel Morgan, Peter Whalley and Jonathan Harvey.

 

Glenda

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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com

 

 

 

 


Witten by Glenda Young , writer of Coronation Street Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.

 

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